This Time Will Be Different

This time next week, I'll be basking in having (hopefully) successfully completed a second half marathon. 

The last time was pretty momentous, but also horrifying. I did it on a broken toe, which pretty much earned me urban legend superhero status in my school. My times were great for me, and I saw that yup, I can kick ass. 

But then on the flipside, I also was dealing with a sudden enforced taper week... and oh, the weight gain that came from the combination of taper week, no activity, and being told to eat at maintenance calories. It was a horrible perfect storm that clouded the experience.

This time? 

I know my weight is going to do awful things. I know it'll come off in about three weeks. And this time, I'll still have barre, and I have a better grasp of what nutrition works best for me in this situation. And YAY the course is flat, and the weather is predicted to be awesome. 

But. I'm also coming into this half marathon after almost a solid week of severe and recurrent hypoglycemia. I'd like to say that it culminated with the EMS response one morning last week, but since then, I've still been low, and still unable to break out of it. 

So perhaps it's culminated or hallmarked by the endocrinology practice summoning me -- for there's no better way to describe it -- to an appointment Wednesday morning. I'd called simply to notify them (as EMS had asked me to do) and to see if they could make a basal rate recommendation for what my taper week and the half should look like. Because I really don't need to be dealing with hypos while running, or to be stuck in this perpetual cycle.

I suppose it didn't help my case that when they called back, I was dealing with a hypo again, and had had another one that morning. I was then the recipient of a second voicemail informing me that the head of the practice had asked that "arrangements be made" and that I would be seeing one of the NPs on staff, since my appointment with the new endo isn't until August. 

I have no idea what they want. I have no idea whether this is just to discuss the hypos or whether it's something more. I have no idea whether they're going to push a CGMS on me, or whether they're going to push food, or whether I'm going to be getting some hardcore Come to Jesus talks. All I know is that I feel like I'm being blindsided, and I don't know any of the people making this call, or that I'll be seeing, and really, six days before the half isn't when I want to think about this.

So now? 

Sure, there's still the weight that I'm side-eyeing, and the whole "OMG seriously do I need to eat that much nope nope nope" thing going on. And I know I can try to see past that this time. I know my weight is going to do fucked up things, but I also know that I can be smarter this time, and know when it will likely fall off, and that really, as much as the Dietitian would maintain, that nope, I really don't need to be doing this whole maintenance bullshit in the week before.

But now, there's this different cloud, of sorts. Which, as I write this, also has me channeling U2 again. 

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it