What Does the Data Say?

I noticed the disconnect when I was trying on a skirt at Ann Taylor Factory. 

"I'm trying on a size 4. I think I'm fat. That's fucked up."

And then I realized why I still saw -- and still see -- myself as fat. 

• When you've got a woman at the Playtex outlet whispering at you that "we encourage women who are busty to go a size up" for a strapless bra (although HA, stranger. The size up was too big, and I needed my actual size)
• When as much as I try, my rib cage doesn't currently allow anything smaller than a fit and flare size 8 to actually fit... 
• When a size 8 is too big, and a size 6 is too small... yet the size 6 is still too big in the upper bust and the hips, so it's not like it matters anyway.
• When even the size 4 is too big for a pair of shorts ... but then you remind yourself that hey, in designer clothes you still need that size 8 dress. 

It's no surprise that women's bodies are up for constant narrative and societal ownership. And, everyone has their own story to tell. So you get lots of different stories about the same thing, and sometimes, it feels like how the individual tells her own story doesn't matter much at all.

But where things start to get challenging are when you look at one set of data, and try to reconcile that with another set of a data that you're getting. Where the numbers say one thing, but society's interpretation of the visual paints a different story. 

That's one hell of a mixed methods approach.

There's a reason I didn't do much mixed methods work in my MPH projects.

So society tells me that I'm generally considered small. But that my ribcage makes me larger. That hey, you can see that ribcage through my back. But that I'm busty. That you're supposed to eat, but oooh, you're being "naughty" or decadent if one of the few things you're eating that day happens to be a cookie or a slice of cake.

No wonder there's a disconnect in how I see myself, and how I start to tell my story. Even the societal observers don't know how to tell my story.